Relationships
Built for Eternity
One cannot really understand this subject without
understanding some basic concepts. First of all Yahweh created us for
relationships; with Him first and then other humans. He created relationship!
It is designed into the very fabric of human nature to find and relate to
(Love) our Creator and to find and relate to (Love) a spouse and to find and
relate to (Love) our brethern. It is a fundamental appetite, to love and be
loved. Yes, we can live alone, apart from relationship, on a desert island, if
you want to call that living. The driving force behind this appetite is the
question "Do you love me more than you love yourself?" We search for
someone who can answer this question in the affirmative. This deep burning
question, if pursued, leads us to the only one who can, Yeshua. There is no
other human that can do it. However, as a born again, spirit filled believer we
grow into it daily. As we lay down our self-centeredness and we embrace His
work in us, we become His vessel of Love to all those around us. And guess
what, it is very attractive. It is the Beauty of Holiness! Pure Love and Life
begins to shine forth from our spirit within. People are strangely attracted to
us, and they will come up to us and begin to confess their sins and struggles,
because they are not afraid of us. Perfect love casts out all fear.
We are a created beings of Love and there must be an
object of our affection. It can be human, animal, concept or thing, but we will
find something or someone to love. We were designed that way by our Father, to
love and be loved. The problem is that we must receive love before we can give
love. We are not born with love but with acceptance. We will accept about
anything that comes along that pays us attention. We are born without
discernment. This acceptance is often confused with love, that is a mother will
say that her baby loves her, when in fact her baby accepts her attention but
does not love her. We are born as an empty cup, if you will. Any person that we
interact with puts something in that cup. We want our cup filled. Some people
put love, some put lust, some put hope, some put fear, some put disappointment,
some put flattery, some criticism and it goes on and on. What has been put in
is what we have to give out in the same proportion. If real Love has not been
put in (usually by our parents) the Love cannot be given out. The problem is
the world has been lied to and many things that are put into us are called love
but are not. As an example, let's say that your aunt Sadie comes to your
graduation party and when she sees you she comes over and gives you a hug. Most
people consider that love. It could be but it also be that she was feeling
guilty for not bringing a graduation present and gave you a hug out of her
guilt. That is not love, that is self-gratification. It appeases her guilty
conscience. It is difficult to determine which is which from the outside
looking in. However, the Lord knows the truth and deep in our spirit we know
real Love when we experience it.
What is Love:
This of course raises the question of what is love?
There are many concepts masquerading as love in our world. Lust is one of the
top contenders. Lust is self based, Love is selfless. Lust says i want, Love
says i give. Love has no self interest and lust has no others interest. Lust is
driven by; self-worth, pleasure, security, fulfillment, excitement, adventure,
position, and money to name a few. Lust is the tree and all of the forms are
the branches. The tree is rooted in self-gratification, that is self attempting
to fulfill the underlying appetites. The appetites were designed into us by
Yahweh but not to be fulfilled by ourselves, but by Father, sometimes directly,
other times through others. We were created to pursue Him not the fulfillment
of our appetites. The pursuit of the fulfillment of our appetites is lust.
Relationship with our Creator is provided to fill us with His Love and Life
which in turn satisfies our appetites and equips us to Love and impart Life to
others, particularly our spouses and children. Love is the fulfilling of
another's needs at our expense without even considering our own loss. 1
Corinthians 12-13 describes real Love:
We are born into a world where lies and death rule.
We are like an electric car that came out of the factor fully charged that will
last many years depending on how far and how hard it is driven. However, it
cannot be recharged. Death always goes from order to disorder, from high energy
to no energy. When the car gets dented or starts to show signs of losing power
we begin to search for a recharge and try many things that promise a recharge
but none work. This is lies and death at work. The car is going to quit and
there is nothing that be can do about it. So some decide, "what the
hell" and decide to run the car as hard and fast as they want and have fun
while they can. Others go through live in fear that the car will run out of
power early and avoid anything that could damage or degrade the car. Still
others spend their cars energy trying to find a way to extent the cars energy.
There are special car mechanics that are skilled at patching up damaged cars
but they cannot put more power in them. Some discover the car's Creator and
return the car to Him. He puts a solar panel on the car that runs as long as
the Son shines. The solar panel provides far more power that the car needs and
it can be transferred to other cars at the direction of the Creator. This is
the transformation from Death to Life, from the Kingdom of the World to the
The Law of the Spirit of Life:
At the new birth we are plugged into Life and He
begins His work in and through us to repair and restore our spirits, souls and
bodies. This life is eternal, it lasts forever and ever. This is the basis for
relationship according to our Creator. He intends for all human relationships
to last for ever and ever. In His Kingdom there is no such thing as a five
minute relationship. Every human interaction is recorded and it's impact
effects us eternally, sometimes for good and sometimes for evil. A single word,
a single smile, a single blow, a single criticism can change the course of our
lives. We remember the more prominent ones the others lie in our spirits
burning or soothing our soul. We were created with eternity in our souls. Those
who live in the Kingdom of the World have no hope for eternity. Their relationship
building is self centered and short termed, doomed to failure, built by Death
upon lies not upon truth by Life. You see the Kingdom of this world is ruled by
Satan, by Death which inevitably ends in disaster. Any relationship built upon
self centeredness ends up in death since it becomes a contest of who will win
over the other. Once one has won, the loser suffers the loss of self and part
of him or her dies. They both cannot win at the same time. The entire
relationship is one of contest. One contesting the other for the fulfillment of
appetites at the expense of the other. There is no outside source for the
fulfilling of those appetites. All they have is each other, and their cars are
running out of power. Even if they connect their cars together they still only
have the same amount of power that they started with when they connected.
However in the
Consider the poor man who works hard for the clothes
on his back and the food on his table. He, like all men, only has a limited
amount of time to work in a day. He has barely enough to feed and clothe
himself. In a relationship he will take care of his needs first and then his
wife's and then if there is any left over he may help another. Let's suppose
that the world's richest man shows up at this poor man's door one evening and
introduces himself as his father and says that someone had stolen the poor man
from him when the poor man was just a baby. Now he has finally found his son.
The rich man then hands his son 100 million dollars and tells him that there is
a million times more of that where that came from. The rich man tells his son
that he is free to take care of his own needs and to use the rest to help
others. If he were to run out of money helping others that he would be provided
with another 100 million and then another 100 million until everyone was helped
and that he, as his father, will be happy to direct him in how best to handle
the money. Now replace the word dollars/money with Love and you have a picture
of our us and our Father.
When were are hooked up to the Creator of Love and
Life we can give freely and lavishly without consideration for ourselves. We
must overcome our old ways of hoarding for ourselves and Love freely, then His
Love and Life will flow from us in ever increasing volumes. In the
He builds from the inside out. He transforms our
spirit from Death to Life. He then begins the purification and healing process
of our soul and body through the working of the Holy Spirit to make us whole
and holy. This removes the poisons that damage relationships. As we are changed
from the inside out, our perspective changes, often barely noticeable at first
but nevertheless ongoing. Soon we realize that we are not the same person that
we were. We are being transformed into His image. As this transformation takes
place, it effects everything and everyone around us. Our relationships become
less selfish and more stable, less lustful and more loving. We learn to
forgive. We become less external an more spiritual. We develop discernment and
soon are able to recognize others motives. We begin to see the old values drop
off like dead tics and we begin to grow the fruits of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22) But the fruit of the
Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23)
Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. 24) And they that are
Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections (appetites) and lusts.
The Flesh:
Is man inherently good or evil? The answer to this
question is bound in the question of what is good and evil? We, as fallen
humans, do not think in terms of good and evil, absolutes. We like to think in
terms of shades of grey, as opposed to black and white. We must remember that
grey is simply a mixture of black and white. If we think in terms of shades of
grey then we must acknowledge that there is black and white. We simply
categorize people somewhere between the extremes of black or white, good or
evil. In Mark Yeshua's comments concerning the Sabbath as: Mark 3:4) And he said unto them, Is
it lawful to do good on the Sabbath days, or to do evil? to save life, or to
kill? But they held their peace. What
is interesting here is that He did not speak in terms of shades of grey but of
black and white, good or evil. Again in Romans and Hebrews the authors speak in
terms of good and evil, not shades of grey. Romans 9:11) (For the children being not yet born,
neither having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to
election might stand, not of works, but of him that calls;) Hebrews 5:14) But
strong meat belongs to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of
use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. So it appears that Yahweh considers us, at least our
actions, either good or evil. So the next question is who is good and who is
evil?
Yeshua speaks to this in: Matthew 19:16)And, behold, one came
and said unto him, Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have
eternal life? 17) And he said unto him, Why do you call me good? there is none
good but one, that is, God: but if you wilt enter into life, keep the
commandments.; James 1:17) Every good gift and every perfect gift is from
above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness,
neither shadow of turning. Now here
we have the concept of good put forth. Yeshua says point blank that no one is
good except Yahweh. So if Yahweh classifies us as either good or evil and there
is no one good except Yahweh then we must be evil. James goes on to state that ALL
good comes from Yahweh and comes in the form of a gift (not earned). This
offends our human pride. We would like to think that we have some good in us
and that we can earn goodness. (By the way the word good is just another word
for God.) The author of Romans gets at this in: Romans
Now notice verse 23. All have sinned. If all have
sinned and all good comes from Yahweh then we are evil sinners with NO goodness
in us. We like to think that if we can obey the law then we can gain some
benefit from Yahweh, however, verse 20 refutes that. Even if we could somehow
gain a little bit of perfection then the following statement by Yeshua would
put that to rest. If one part of us is evil then all of us is. Matthew 6:23) But if thine eye be
evil, your whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is
in you be darkness, how great is that darkness! 24) No man can serve two masters:
for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to
the one, and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon. The second verse brings us back to black and white,
good and evil. (Mammon by the way means that which is material.)
Now as Christians we like to think that we are above
all that sin stuff. However, the author of Romans (believed to be Paul) an
older Christian by then, writes: Romans
The World's Ways:
The Kingdom of the World builds from the outside in.
This kind of behavior is hypocritical. We modify our behavior for the sake of
perceptions while in the heart we have other motives. We use the external
perceptions to entice another to start the relationship. It is a trap of sorts,
using the perception to entice the other close enough to fulfill their own
appetites, whether it be acceptance, pleasure, power or sex. It is a trade off,
one trading something to the other, each trying to fulfill their own needs.
This is considered love in one way or the other. In reality the people in the
World have little to offer under the external facade. In fact they will go to
great lengths to hide who or what actually lurks underneath the facade for fear
of not being loved. The people in the World have cups that are filled with lots
of undesirable junk. The cup is lined with a very sensitive material called
self-worth. So they go to great lengths to make the exterior desirable, while
pushing down and covering up the undesirable which is actually Death (because
of sin). Where there is sin there is death. Sin is essentially the absence of
true Love. Without Love we slowly fall apart, we die.
This is what Yeshua met when He described the
Pharisees as hypocrites, white washed sepulchers, white on the outside while
filled with dead men's bones. The more a person pushes down the junk the more
self-worth is aware of the junk and the more condemned the person becomes
resulting in more worthlessness and more needy. The world has no way to empty
and clean the cup. All they can do is hide the contents with more and more
laughter, clothes and make up, that is whitewash. The lie that is accepted is
that ones self-worth is derived from exteriors, what we look like and/or what
we do. Their cup contains little if any of the divine glue that holds
relationships together, selfless Love. The cup does hold the poisons of
relationships: Galatians
5:19) Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; adultery,
fornication, uncleanness (morally defiled; unchaste), lasciviousness (exciting sexual desires), 20) idolatry (blind or excessive devotion to
something or someone), witchcraft, hatred, variance (not in unity; conflicting), emulations (to strive to equal or excel, especially
through imitation),
wrath (anger), strife, seditions (conduct or language inciting
rebellion against the authority), heresies, 21) envying, murders, drunkenness, reveling (to take great pleasure or delight), and such like: of the which I tell
you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such
things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. These are all rooted in some form of fear. Fear is the foundation of the
Kingdom of the World. Revelation
21:8) But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and
whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their
part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone: which is the second
death.
These worldly relationships will only last until one
of the two run out energy. Once the tipping point is reached the relationship
disintegrates usually with devastating results. It there is something of a
balance of giving and taking in the relationship, it can last much longer. This
is more equally yoked. This relationship will last until the energy is
expended, such as "mid-life crisis". As the relationship deepens the
facade becomes thinner and thinner until some of the undesirable junk peeks
through. We call these hot buttons. It does not take long for the couple to
discover each others hot buttons and push them when things are not going their
way. Remember in the world the cup cannot be emptied and when the hot buttons
are pushed they get irritated and inflamed making them even larger and more
prominent and harder to hide and easier to bump. There is nothing worse than
inadvertently bumping a hot button then getting burnt by the ensuing explosion.
The appetites at the bottom of the cup are crying for
fulfillment while the person is frantically trying to fill the cup with
anything that seems that it might fulfill them. Women will trade sex for
acceptance (believing that acceptance is Love while looking for a man to father
her children). Men will trade attention for sex thinking that sex will fulfill
the appetite for reproduction (believing that he is worthy to be reproduced
and/or that women are there for his pleasure). Both will whitewash their
exteriors and say what they believe the other wants to hear to build a
relationship that will met their own needs. The resulting relationship are not
eternal and will be lucky to last a lifetime on earth.
Eternal Relationships:
Yahweh designed the husband/wife team to be THE ONLY
relationship in which healthy (Godly) children can be raised. The children are
to receive the Father's love through the parents as the parents receive it from
Father directly and indirectly primarily through each other. The wife is to
receive Father's love through her husband, as he sacrifices his time and energy
to take care of her needs (not necessarily her wants) as Father leads him to.
She, in return, is to respect and love her husband, following his lead and
meeting his needs (also not necessarily wants) as Father leads her. This is a
mutual loving (agape) relationship as they both put each other before
themselves. They both walk in Love, hope, forgiveness, gentleness,
graciousness, kindness, giving, and compassion toward each other. The more they
walk this way with each other the more joy they experience. They each bring
healing and deliverance to each other for the sins of the past and have hope
and faith in each other as they see Father at work in the other. As they grow
in Love for each other they grow in unity. Where they started with unity in the
flesh, having become one in the flesh, they become unified in spirit, mind and
emotions. Even the motives and intents of their hearts become unified over the
years. This unity becomes a very powerful tool as they minister the grace of
God to their children first and then to others. They both love and care for
their children in the same manner and train the children to know Father
primarily by example as well as by word.
These relationship are built for eternity. The first
step is recognizing that our human relationship building methods are not
adequate and are not building lasting relationships. Now some (especially men)
do not particularly want long term relationships. They just want a quick fix
for their needs (appetites) to be fulfilled. No strings attached. Of course
this is very selfish, unfulfilling and destructive. It's bad enough that these
(usually men) destroy themselves emotionally, but it is far worse that they
destroy the women they "rape" who are looking for secure
relationships in order to raise a family. These men do not make good husbands
nor good fathers. Some of the women never recover from these abuses. To be fair
there are some women who do the same thing to the men. However, most of the
time they both are guilty of taking advantage of each other.
The next step is to realize that on your own you will
not succeed. You are not adequate for the task. The
It is also useful to assemble with others of like
spirit who are ahead of you. They can help explain things to you and maybe help
you avoid some of the traps that lie ahead of you. As they say the proof is in
the pudding. So look for couples who have been married for a while, preferably
their first and only marriage. If you can find a couple or two who have made it
past the seven year mile marker that is a good place to start. If they have
made it past the midlife crisis stage that is even better. If they have made it
through the empty nest season, then pay attention. Look for the fruit of the
Spirit in them and their marriage. If they have a heart for building up new
believers and young couples then you've found a rarity in deed. You would be
wise to watch them for a while and see how they handle the difficult
situations. Proceed carefully, it is your eternal life you are developing. Look
for Love in them and selfishness. If you find selfishness run away. They are
not elders. If they want pay or some benefits then move on and look elsewhere.
If they are building their own little kingdoms then run away as fast as you
can. Better to live a while in the desert than end up their slave.
Always ask this question first. What is in me that is
causing my behavior, and my conflict with the other one in our relationship?
Another good question is am I loving them selflessly? Yet another is; am I
quick to forgive them of anything that bothers me? You cannot assume that they
are going to change! You hope that you are going to change, but there is no
guarantee that you will. You must keep moving forward, growing. You are only
able to influence your own growth. You are not responsible for nor able to
cause someone else to grow. If you believe that you can then you will be sadly
disappointed and very frustrated. It is only when you let go and let the Lord
handle what He is good at that you will see you and your partner change.
The relationship must fall within the limits of the
Lord's design. A homosexual marriage or relationship will always fail in one
way or another because it is outside of Yahweh's design. The foundation of a
lifelong marriage is Faith, Love and forgiveness, cemented together by trying
to out give each other.
Sexuality:
The male-female relationships are sexual in nature.
It is unavoidable. We are created sexual creatures. Our bodies are sexual; male
and female. It is necessary for the reproduction of the species. However, we,
by the direction and grace of God, are to control it not the other way around.
Our brains are created to release hormones that assure bonding as a result of
touch, embracing and ultimately sexual intercourse. These hormones increase the
brains neurons that relate to the sexual response and the individual that it is
shared with. In other words we are created to get addicted to our mates through
the sex act. This is why the Lord defines marriage as a lifelong commitment. He
designed us to be 'addicted' to each other for a lifetime. When this union is
broken the brain has not changed and the addiction is still there, demanding to
be fulfilled. If we separated for fleshly reasons then (not the death of our
spouse) then we will be driven to seek out our spouse. However, if we persist
in our selfish desires that caused the breakup then we will choose not to
reunite, and go seeking another. According to research it may take years for
the dopamine levels to return to 'single' levels. This is also a factor in
those spouses who have lost a mate and 'give up' and die of a 'broken heart'.
The believer has the Creator, who made our bodies function that way, to bring
the body back into balance after the loss of a spouse.
Physical Effects of Sex:
The following are excerpts from a book entitled: Hooked
New science on how casual sex is affecting our children authored by two
MDs. The jest of the their research is that the human brain is created in such
a way that several hormones are released to build a physical neurological
portion of our brain when we make skin to skin contact with another person. The
more contact all the way to sexual intercourse the more our brains is wired to
repeat it. The hormones that are released are the same hormones that are
released when addictive drugs are used. In other words we become physically
addicted to physical contact and ultimately sex. This is part of what i believe
Father means in Gen
The following are quotes from the book:
"The individual who goes from sex partner to sex
partner is causing his or her brain to mold and gel so that it eventually
begins accepting that sexual pattern as normal. For most people this brain pattern
seems to interfere with the development of the neurological circuits necessary
for the long term relationships that for most people result in stable marriages
and family development. The pattern of changing sex partners therefore seems to
damage their ability to bond in a committed relationship."
"Infatuation refers to the incredibly exciting
awakening of sexual awareness embodied in focus on a person of the opposite
sex. However, infatuation does not befall just preteens and young teens. It can
'hit' anyone of any age. We call infatuation the great imitator of true love
because it appears that the same brain centers hat signal 'passionate new love'
to an individual are the ones that cause a more immature feelings, that of
'infatuation'. It is therefore impossible from brains study techniques as well
as by social study techniques to say whether the feelings one has for another
person constitute infatuation or legitimate early love.
Since not even the study of the brain can tell the
difference between true love and infatuation, parents as well as young people
themselves should be cautious when an adolescent pronounces himself 'in love'.
This feeling of love can be very intense, similar to obsessive-compulsive
disorder, causing people to think that of doing things that they would not
ordinarily do. This intense emotional state may last several months. This
cutoff is not suddenly and may in part be due to the gradual decline in the
level of dopamine."
"Having this information at hand, it is easy to
see the advantage of patiently letting a relationship mature before committing
to it through sexual involvement. Letting a relationship mature means taking
time. Even though brain scans cannot tell whether initial infatuation will
become true love or not, they can show the difference between the early
passionate stage of romantic love and that of long-term, comfortable, and
relaxed loving attachment."
Those engaging in premarital sex (fornication) and
extra-marital sex (adultery) with multiply partners have sent very confusing
signals to their mind. The body wants the permanent partner but self-pleasure
is jumping from bed to bed. The brain in the meantime is developing a behavior
pattern that is difficult to break, that is jumping from partner to partner.
This life style is detrimental to a stable monogamous relationship that
provides a secure environment for the children of the relationship. The
children end up confused, with distorted ideas of relationships and no concept
of real Love. The children of these unions often end up with their mother
because of her nurturing instinct. The reaping and sowing principle results in
the children going even further down this path of temporary relationships and
one night stands ending in a completely dysfunctional, hedonistic society. Of
course this is one of Satan's goal for mankind.
Satan is also using our governments in an attempt to
destroy the family. The current method he is using in western societies is the
elevation of women over men, then the elevation of children over women. The
following statements from various studies of male/ female relationships are an
indication of the effectiveness of his methods:
"Without a stable relationship, he is less
likely to grow into a good family man and raise good sons."
"Marriage is the stimulus for little boys to
grow from the immature mix of latent nobility and compulsive selfishness into a
true man. Without the matrimonial promise made before God and man to stay
together forever – without a lifelong commitment inoculating them against
hard times – the trials, difficulties and pain of marriage and raising a
family would be too much for many people to handle." Kupelian
"A lot of these women describe the real fathers
of their children as "useless" or worse. The men have no role. The
welfare system has helped to deprive these children of the most effective check
on abuse -- the family."
"His research suggests that half the rise
in lone parenthood in the past 30 years may be due to male unemployment. He
believes that governments must start to focus on these men, and question the
feminization of education and the workplace."
"It is no solution, he says, to say that
women don't need men or that men should become more female. Nor is it any good waiting
for economic growth to dig them out of poverty. Those men need a chance, not a
benefits system that undermines them."
The inversion of the order of authority and
responsibility that Yahweh designed into the family is very effective in
destroying the family. This will not be addressed in this article.
Sexual Purity:
Many of the problems in relationships are the direct
result of sexual impurity in one or both of partners, which springs out of an
impure heart. Yahweh designed us to only give ourselves, mentally, emotionally
and sexually, to our spouse after we have left our parents and made a covenant of marriage with him or her.
He then makes us one flesh, Gen
Relationships are whole being activities. It effects
you from the spiritual level to the body. The Lord's intention is to build the
relationship from the spirit to the soul to the body in that order. Once the
two people's spirits are in unity the soul will follow. The soul is comprised
of the will, the mind and the emotions. The body is of course the senses and
sexuality. His desire is complete unity in the spirit followed by unity of
emotions and mind culminating in the union of the bodies after the covenant is
in place.
Satan of course wants to invert this order without
ever arriving at a covenant. Why? His purpose for mankind is to wipe us and the
rest of Yahweh's creation off the face of the Earth. The Earth is his as far as
he's concerned. He's wrong. However, he uses traps to ensnare us and destroy
us. Male/female relationships are one of his most effective and deadly traps.
The statistics for teenage suicides in the
We once had a young woman in our small group who had
3 children out of wedlock with 3 different men. Later she had a fourth. She
repented of it but still did not turn away. Eventually she conceived twice more
with two other men and carried the babies full term but both died in child
birth. The Lord told her it was because of her adultery. She finally turned
away from it. We cannot expect the Lord's protection when we are practicing
sin!
The Lord's intention is for two virgins to build a
relationship from the spirit outward culminating in the forming of the marriage
covenant then joining together and becoming one until death do them part. This
is the foundation of a healthy marriage that will last a lifetime and produce
children that will inherit His blessing because of their parents marriage and
their relationship with Him.
There are of course many new believers who are no
longer virgins and are hence under the curse of fornication or adultery. If
they have children from those relationships they too are under the curse as
well as their children and grandchildren. These curses must be broken. When we
are born again we die to the old life and are resurrected into a new life. The
penalty of death dies with our resurrection but the curses do not necessarily
go away. That ground has to be taken back and the curses broken. This is done
at the direction and in the timing of the Holy Spirit. I believe that this is
also the case with the "one flesh" unions. The unions are still in
tact after new birth, however, the spouse who has not converted has the option
of annulment and the breaking of the "one flesh" if they choose. I
personally believe that it pleases the Lord if they choose not to and end up
converting because of the new believers witness. I also believe that the new
believer should earnestly seek the Lord about maintaining the marriage or reuniting
the marriage (if man has granted divorce) since the Lord does not grant
divorces and still considers them married. If the non believing spouse chooses
not to consider remarriage or preserving the marriage then the "one
flesh" can be broken by the Lord.
The Breast Fetish:
When a mother breast feeds her baby, oxytocin and
dopamine are released in both the mother and child. Vasopressin is also
released in males. The oxytocin is a bonding hormone and causes the mother and
child to bond together. The same thing happens during sexual contact. The
mother will develop a protective response toward her child, and both will
develop a desire to repeat the feeding and contact. The dopamine activates the
pleasure centers of the brain, giving both mother and child a "high".
The same thing happens to a lesser degree with touch and creasing by both
parents. This is the normal bonding for parents and children. The child becomes
an accepted, nurtured member of the family is this way. The child is created to
receive both feeding and touch from it mother and touch from its father. It is
a basic need. It generates in the child a sense of acceptance and security. The
babies natural instinct is to nuzzle (and cuddle) for milk, mothers milk, until
they are weaned. The weaning should take place when the child's "love
tank" is full not when it is no longer convenient for mother. This could
take 1 or 2 years.
However, if this is short circuited, the child will
experience a sense of incompleteness, rejection, and abandonment is extreme
cases. This occurs if the mother bottle feeds, for whatever reason;
selfishness, inconvenience, inability, or instruction. If the child is a boy
then he will likely be drawn to breasts attempting to fulfill the
incompleteness. This happens at the sub conscience level. The boys response to
the mother, at the sub conscience level, is either to reject his mother to some
degree (and look elsewhere for mothering) or to become a mama's boy (effeminate
in the extreme) in an attempt to fulfill the void.
If the baby is a girl she will either reject her
mother to some degree and look for another mother or source of security,
or become unduly attached to her mother looking for fulfillment. In the extreme
cases the girl will gravitate towards another woman's breasts and touch
(lesbianism). If her father has provided the fatherly attention, love and
cuddling as a baby then she is likely to have received her fulfillment from
him. If not, the girl will find fulfillment from a boy. If there is significant
rejection from her father then she will go to the bad boy. Since we have an
entire generation of boys who have been primarily bottle fed they are looking
for fulfillment (breasts) and the girls pick up on this and respond
accordingly. The old saying that boy give "love" to get sex and
girls give sex to get love is only partially true. The boys are actually giving
"love" to get nurtured and fulfilled. The same hormone, vasopressin,
is released during sexual contact.
In a fully functional family the mother has breast
fed the children until it is no longer needed and both the father and mother
are continually supplying the physical contact the children needs by lap
sitting, hugs and non-sexual caresses. This must be done unselfishly on the
parents parts, out of agape.
Pursuit of Happiness:
Happiness is our response to what happens to us that
we like, that makes us feel good. Happiness can come from the Lord, others or
even Satan. The goal of a self-centered lifestyle is happiness. One of the fruits
of a Yahweh centered lifestyle is Joy which is greater than happiness.
Self-centeredness desires to have OUR appetites fulfilled. Those appetites
drive our desires. Our desires produce the pursuit of pleasure. We seek to do
what pleases us. Doing what pleases us makes us happy. This is the pursuit of
happiness, attempting to have our desires (lusts) fulfilled by pleasing
ourselves. When someone or some event comes along and fulfills our desires then
we fell good. If this happens to be some one of the opposite sex and it happens
enough we feel good when they are around us and we develop "feelings"
for them and if it continues for a while we "fall in love". They make
us happy, AS LONG AS THEY ARE FULFILLING OUR DESIRES! However, as soon as we
have to fulfill one of their desires that costs us something that we do not
want to pay, then we are unhappy. Self-sacrifice makes us unhappy. We call this
mutual self-fulfillment that leads to happiness, LOVE. It is not! It is just
the temporary fulfillment of our lusts. As long as we have more happy times
than unhappy times we stay in love. Of course the number of happy times verses
unhappy time varies from person to person and relationship to relationship.
It's like a scales. If the unhappy times tip the balance, we fall out of love
and break up. Any relationship in which either of both persons are pursuing
happiness has a high probably of failing in time. True Love, agape, has nothing
to do with our being happy as a result of the relationship. True love flows from
Father to and then through us to the other. It must be given away for it to
bear fruit. True Love builds up the one being loved and draws them toward
Father. As both people are drawn toward Father they are drawn closer together.
Father's Love, which is selfless, binds then to each other and to Him and they
becomes full of Joy. The couple will experience satisfaction, peace, grace, and
happiness as a result of selflessly giving Father's love to each other.
This whole game of love (in the world) is about having
our desires fulfilled. It is about taking not giving. It is a relationship
built upon mutual taking. When one of the two in the relationship takes more
than the other is willing to give the balance is tipped, and usually
disagreements and arguments occur. The argument is almost always about how much
I have given and how little you have made me happy. You are not giving me what
i want, making me happy (fulfilling my desires). When we reach the end of our
rope we leave, to pursue someone else who will make us happy. Since the
strongest appetite that we have, other than self-preservation (eating and self
defense), is reproduction, we pursue the opposite sex looking for happiness
(the elusive butterfly of love). We are told that "having feelings"
for another just happens and that falling in love is a mystery. Those who
realize that this is not true become the seducers. They practice the art of
satisfying the desires of another to get what they want and once they have
accomplished that they drop the relationship like a hot potato. The one being
manipulated does not know what happened because they do not understand fallen
human nature. Almost every human relationship conflict is because of someone's
desires are not being fulfilled by the other one in the relationship. The one's
whose desires are unsatisfied start to look elsewhere for the fulfillment of
those desires, threatening the relationship. The foundation of this problem is
the belief that the other person in the relationship CAN fulfill ALL of our
desires. This is simple false. No one person can fulfill all of our appetites.
Once one realizes that, the next assumption is that it takes several
relationships to fulfill our appetites and marriage as a result is useless. Man
has tried all kinds of different relationships trying to find happiness and
fulfillment; monogamous marriage, polygamy, homosexual, pets, tree hugging,
worshipping just about anything that moves and something that do not. There is
only one answer; Yahweh is Love! He is the only source of agape and He is quite
happy to share His Love if we come to Him.
The Two Trees:
The illustrations of sometimes trees helps in
understanding these concepts. There are two trees if you will: one is the Tree
of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and the other is the Tree of Life.
We are born into this world as a seed that will grow up into the Tree of the
Knowledge of Good and Evil. This is the tree that leads to Death. The soil that
this tree is planted in is love of Self. The roots are self-awareness. The trunk
is the power of self or self strength, Pride with self-consciousness at it
center. The atmosphere around it is fear full. The branches of knowledge,
attractiveness, physical strength, and "love" spring from Pride. This
"love" is not selfless but superficial. It is the emotional feel
good, I'm ok your ok type of outlook. It leads to popularity. Beneath the
surface of the tree are self-worth, self-preservation, self-exultation,
self-edification, self-satisfaction and self-deception. The smaller branches are
expressions of these. Some people will have more self-exultation than others,
while other may have more self-satisfaction. This is the persons self-identity.
Self-love flows from the self-identity and back to the self-love. In other
words we create the identity the we like and that leads us to love our selves.
Loving ourselves leads us to a stronger self-identity. We will defend ourselves
because always defend who or what we love.
The fear surrounding it is that someone, or something
will come along and threaten the self-identity and potentially destroy the
tree. Self-preservation is the power that self-consciousness uses to defend
itself. The fear is true. Because that is exactly what will happen because of
sin. The tree is doomed and self knows this at the gut level. So self is
motivated to try to avoid the death that is at work. When the tree is young the
body is growing even though the spirit is dead and death is at work in the
flesh. The young person believes that he or she is immortal (which is true spiritually)
since all that he or she perceives is there own growth, however, there are
still those who die young, thus inciting even more fear of death. The life of
the tree is self-awareness which brings good and evil into focus.
Self-consciousness is aware of its own failings, sin, and leads to
self-judgment, guilt and self-condemnation. These are the rotting core of the
tree, springing from the root up through out the branches. The fruit that the
tree bears is self-centeredness. The tree lives in the world of the Law of Good
and Evil. That is how self-awareness concludes that it has sinned.
The world of self, works something like this. Suppose
one is physical fit, athletic and excels at some sport. Someone else, who is
not, comes up to them to take some of their fruit. What they are attracted by
is a person who has trained themselves in a particular sport. They admire their
ability, why? Because it brings them attention, wealth, popularity which they
(and we) believe will lead them to self-admiration and self-satisfaction. The
person is attracted because of their own lack of self-satisfaction. When the
admirer asks how did they get there, they are told: well I worked
hard, or I had the best trainers that money could buy, or I
always dressed the part, or my parents started me out young, or I
had faith in myself. In other words it was something that the person had or did
that made them great. This is pride. So the admirer is left with the option to
go and do the same or become more aware of their inadequacies by comparison and
walk away. Their choices are to compete with the one they admire, or follow and
emulate the one they admire or give up completely and find someone else to
admire. If they choose to compete they become contentious and prideful as they
become more competitive. If they choose to follow them it leads down the path
of idolatry. There is only One that we can admire and ultimately worship,
because He has no self interest, that is Yeshua. His interest is only in our
best interest. This idea is foreign to us because of our self-centeredness. It
is hard for us to conceive of someone, even God, who is not self-centered.
However, Yahweh is Love, which is perfectly other's centered. There is not one
speck of self in Him, as He demonstrated through His Son Yeshua on the Tree. If
they choose to give up then failure and low self esteem sets in.
The Tree of Life is a representation of
Yeshua. This tree is in an atmosphere of the Love of God. The roots are Faith
in His Love and care for us out of humility set in the soil of Grace. The trunk
is the strength of Yeshua consciousness which leads to branches of others
consciousness. The fruit of the tree are love, hope, peace, faith, kindness,
meekness, gentleness, forgiveness, humility, joy, long suffering, and
perseverance. The heart of this tree is communion with Father and the sap of
the tree is the Presence of God. Life and light flows freely from this tree.
The Tree of Life is supernatural.
A believing couple become like the Tree of Life as
they mature together. They, their marriage and children are unshakeable, built
for Eternity.
I know that I have only scratched the surface of
relationship building. Hopefully the Lord will grant me more insight in the
future and I will be able to add to this.