First Love

There is a man i know who was talking to the Lord one day about being so busy that he just did not have time to get to everything that he thought was important done. The Lord's response to him was; remember that even if you win the rat race your still a rat. There are many Christians who are running in the rat race and dying on the vine so to speak. I have considered this before the Lord for a long time, many years actually, why this is so. I was once there myself back in my teens. I faithfully attended "church", did my daily Bible studies, was involved in many Christian activities but was dying spiritually. i did not recognize it at the time but that was what was actually happening. I did what i was taught to do, that is what a Christian is supposed to do. I was careful to submit to the pastor. I did not want to offend the Lord or risk my salvation. i'd paid in lots of money to the "church" over the years. i cannot say that i ever saw anyone save as a result of my tithes, or even say that i saw a lot of people leave some other "church" to attend our "church", but i thought that i was going God's will.

I was slowly running out of power. We would have a revival week every year to recharge but they really did not do much for me. It was all mechanical, human effort. It was not until many years later after leaving the "church" that i discovered the Holy Spirit. He is the power source i needed. However, i still fell back into the same old trap without realizing it. The only difference is that i had moved a few more rungs up the ladder. i slowly learned how to move (be lead by the Holy Spirit), but still tended to try to do my idea of "God's work" with His power. We used most of the Spiritual gifts during this time however, the fruit was sparse. Only much later (years) did i come to realize that much of what i had thought was "God's work" was actually man's will in disguise. I had access to the power of the Holy Spirit but i had been following man's will and the Holy Spirit would not allow His power to be used to accomplish it. So again i was caught thrashing around with limited power trying to fulfill the Law by using the Spirit.

This time the Lord spoke to each of us, my wife and i to leave the charismatic "church" where i was an elder and small group leader. He gave us each dreams within a couple of weeks. Then He gave us a prophetic word to gather up the outcasts of Israel. We left the "church" and moved a county away and began our Wilderness journey. We left the land of Laws and Regulations and entered the land where the wind blows where it wants and when it wants. The Lord brought His presence upon me in a way that i had only dreamed of. We had left Egypt, and Christian City with its Laws and traditions and had started to cross the dessert propelled by the Wind for Sinai. The Presence of the Lord was leading us and often i felt that i was standing at the base of the Cloud. We traveled alone except for our family and the Lord's presence. We learned a great deal on this trip. We were free of all of the religion trappings and expectations that were put on us back at Christian City. It was great to be free. In fact He taught me that we are dead to the Law and the Regulations. I no longer concern myself with them, just Him. The Holy Spirit opened the spiritual realm to us and we had more than our share of spiritual fights even at the principalities level. This was a great time of moving by the Spirit and the breaking of the flesh. He taught us what it really meant to be a believer. It was not at all what we had been taught. It is not about the "church" or the law or our appearance; it is about Him, Yeshua, our Redeemer. This is a love affair with the Father, the Son and the Spirit. i think He rewrote my theology yearly for the first 15 years. I had finally found what i had been searching for all my "Christian" life. It was not about the doing but the being. Our faith in Him grew weekly. We were not stagnate. We were being broken of our will and strength so that we would have to rely on His will and strength. Time means little in the wilderness. It took us one week to move out of Egypt but a good ten years to get Egypt out of us. Even now He still uncovers some Egyptian remnants in us.

He taught me to trust Him for every step and decision. I found myself walking in His presence for the first time in my "Christian" walk. It was great. During that time i developed an intestinal abscess and almost died. I sought His will concerning going to the Hospital for treatment and was prepared for the no answer if He so chose. He send me in and the abscess was removed. We did not have insurance nor jobs but He took care of it. He used that time to do some serious spiritual house cleaning for me. He revealed that the abscess was tied to deeper sins and thus the search and cleansing began that lasted for a few more years. All during this time we were restored to our First Love. We no longer look to men for direction, protection, or provision. He is our All in All. I have a hard time keeping up with His revelations and directions at times.

i am not willing to say that the Lord's path for everyone is the same as ours has been but there are several things i have learned from these experiences. i 'll try to summarize them.

First of all you have to have a living, vital relationship with Yeshua to operate in His power according to His will. The idea that we can pray in the name of Yeshua is miss applied. We cannot simply tack on; "in the name of Jesus" (or Yeshua) and expect Father to answer our prayer in the affirmative. That is like rubbing the bottle of a spiritual genie. The concept of being in Yeshua is the issue. We have our life IN HIM. That means simply, that the two of us are not just dwelling together but are in fact one. We in Him and He in us. This oneness does not just happen the instant we are born again. It takes a long time. So the question is just what does this mean? Allow me to illustrate. Everyone knows many married couples and those couples vary from two people doing their own things but living in the same house to the rare couple who are actually one. They think alike, they have the same goals, the share everything, people say their names almost as one. This is the idea of being IN HIM. If you are truly in Him them people will identify you with Him and He with you. More importantly Father will identify you with Him. So when you go to the Father with your request, Father will recognize the Son in you, since the Son only does what He sees the Father do. Father knows that what the Son is asking is according to Father's will because the Son is always watching the Father and the three of them are always in perfect harmony. So when we are in Him, we too are in harmony with Them, we are always asking according to Father's will because we are always watching the Son as we are lead by the Spirit who has revealed the Father's will to us. THIS IS FATHER'S WAY TO OPERATE SUPERNATURALY. The Spirit will provide the supernatural answer in His time according to Father's will. This is the proof in the pudding if you will. If you are operating with your own will, power or timing then you will only get natural or circumstantial results. Father's goal for us is that we come to the point where He can say of us, if you have seen (fill in your name) then you have seen Yeshua. Now there may be some young new born believers that think that is the case for them but that is just pride talking. THAT is the problem...pride! They have not seen themselves in the Light of Yeshua. They are looking at themselves in the light of men. If they had they would be on the ground crying...i am a unclean man have mercy on me.

So how does all this apply to "Christians"? We have to work out our OWN SALVATION in fear and trembling. There is no other person on earth that can make our decisions for us. We cannot piggy back on someone else's faith and intimacy with the Lord. Just as praying in His name so is, believing in Him. The Devil believes in His existence but the Devil does not believe in Him! The difference is more like we believe Him because we are in Him. Our Faith is in Him, in who He is and His love for us as a result of what He has done. It is the direct result of something tangible He has done for us. If we cannot point to a earthly result that He has done then we are not talking about faith but are talking about hope instead. There is nothing wrong with hope but hope is not faith. It is by Faith that we are saved not hope. It is by faith that we move mountains not hope or love for that matter. Hope leads us to seek Father's will for a given problem. Love of Yeshua is the motivation for Hope but Faith brings the result which touches the earthly realm. We cannot live in someone else's faith. In order for us to have faith we MUST HAVE OUR OWN EXPERIENCE with Yeshua as Savior, Discipler, and Lover. This is the basis for the old phrase that God has no grandsons. The Lord will not allow another person to stand between us and Him. We are His sheep and His alone. We are His sons and His alone. We are His Bride and His alone. He is not going to share His Bride with another. We are as believers, priests and He is the High Priest. We do not need another to stand before the Lord for us. Those who need a priest are those who are not one, unbelievers.

This is one of the main causes of "Christians" dying on the vine. They have been taught that there is another man who is responsible for their spiritual well being and they believe it. The result is that they pay another to take care of them and then become spectators. They have become another man's servant instead of the Lord's servant. He will let them have what they believe and the flow of Life within them, subsides. You cannot share Divine Life, it only comes from being directly connected to the source of Life, Yeshua. When we stand before the throne on Judgment Day the Lord is not going to ask if we obeyed our husbands voice, or our pastors voice, nor is He going to ask anyone else how we did. It will be; did you follow Me and obey My voice (even if He spoke it through a donkey)? It is written that: My sheep hear My voice and follow Me! If you allow yourself to be pastorized then Yeshua's Divine life will not flow freely in you. If you have submitted yourself to the pastoral system, then He will give you what you that and nothing more. All you will get is another man's wisdom and direction. Your choice is either man or Him. I would rather have the worst that the Lord has to offer than the best of what some fallen man has to offer. You cannot serve two masters! We will follow our master to his destination where ever that is. We know where Yeshua is going. We do not know where the man "leading" us is going for sure. If it turns out that he has lead you astray you had better find that out before you end up there too. Yeshua said in the Gospels, beware lest men deceive you, several times. He never once said beware lest the Devil deceive you. It is also written in {Jeremiah 17:5 This is what the LORD says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD}.

Another way to see this is to consider this. Lets suppose that when i first started dating my wife that her cousin was a friend of mine. So i started asking him about her, because i was bashful and afraid. So i would send her a note and the then go to her cousin to see what she said to her cousin or if she sent me a note i would take it to him to see what she really said. Now her cousin liked ice cream so i would buy him some ice cream from time to time. Her cousin also had some old letters from her which he would share with me and tell me what she meant. Of course i cherished those letters even though they were not actually written to me. So her cousin and i decided to get together one a week to talk about her and of course i brought ice cream. I finally got to the point where i was brave enough to talk to her on the phone. So i would ask her cousin what she really meant from the phone conversations. Of course he looked forward for his ice cream when i went to him. There were times when i wondered if he really knew what she meant, but he reassured me that he had known her for a long time. The times that we disagreed, i deferred to his understanding. Now how long do you think that she would allow that relationship to last? Would we have ever married? Any normal relationship that leads to marriage would out grow this very quickly. She would not allow it to last very long.

If you want the Groom then you need to pursue Him. Reread Song of Solomon 3-6. Now there is a picture of the Bride pursuing the Groom. There are thousands of things clamoring for our attention while He just calls our name softly. The True Bride will be on a search for Her Groom and will leave no place unsearched until she finds Him. Day or night, in safety or danger she will go looking for Him. She will not be satisfied until she hears His voice and comes into His presence. How much time in a day do you use pursuing your Groom or is your day cluttered with the things of this world or even the "good" things of His kingdom? We are to be in this world but not part of it or it part of us. If this world would disappear tomorrow how much of us would be left? This pursuit of the Groom is in preparation for an Eternity in His presence, the more you experience now, the closer you will be in Eternity. Many believe that when they die and "go to heaven" they will suddenly become this perfect person full of wisdom and strength. i do not believe so. The only thing that changes is we get an immortal body and we no longer have the option to sin. We have changed locations from earth to the New Jerusalem but we are still the same person that we were when we left. We do not suddenly know Him better or love Him more. If we barely walked with Him on earth then we will barely walk with Him in the New Jerusalem. If our knowledge of Him was small before it will also be small afterwards.

This passage describes the condition of the "church" today. {Revelations 3:13 He that has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says unto the churches. 14 And unto the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write; These things says the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of the creation of God. 15 I know your works, that you art neither cold nor hot: I would you were cold or hot. 16 So then because you art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue you out of my mouth. 17 Because you say, I am rich, and increased with goods, and have need of nothing; and know not that you art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked: 18 I counsel you to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that you may be rich; and white raiment, that you may be clothed, and that the shame of your nakedness do not appear; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see. 19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. 21 To him that overcomes will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne.}

The good news is that He is more than willing to bring us back to our first love, IF we abandon our other loves. Salvation is conditional. { Matthew 28:19 Go you therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: 20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.} We must Love the Lord, Yeshua and keep His commands that He speaks to us. We are saved by calling upon the Name of the Lord and following His instructions. Calling out for help to the right person does not save us. We must follow his instructions once he has arrived. Like calling the fireman to save us from a burning building who says jump into the net, we will save you, we must take the leap of faith, every time He says jump.

How do we determine if we are hot or cold? We know in our spirit, but it is hard to hear. You could always ask someone else their opinion. However, if they are cold they may think that you are hot or if they are hot then they may think that you are cold. So the best thing to do is to ask the Lord sincerely to show you, your condition and give Him permission to do what ever it takes to show you the truth. You do not want to be spued out! The next step is to find out if you are deceived. If you say that you are not then you ARE. Verse 17 contrasts one's physical condition verses their spiritual condition. So the question here is; is your focus on stuff (the physical realm) or on the spiritual realm and your spiritual condition? Are you spiritually blind (can not see spiritually), poor (not enough faith in Him to handle your needs), naked (not clothed in righteous works), wretched (in a deplorable state of distress or misfortune:) and miserable? If this is the case then the answer is to buy gold refined by fire from the Lord and white (pure) clothes, and ointment to heal you eyes.

Now the question is what do we have to offer the Lord (that He does not already have) so that we can buy these things from Him? It's not this world's money or stuff. It is our selves; our heart (spirit), and our time. So what is this gold tried in the fire? It is our faith in Him that has been put to the test to see if we could and would not waver until His answer came and He fulfilled His words to us. The fire has a way for sorting out for us what He really did say. His Words to us are what yields true faith in Him when we act on them. The problem often is not that He did not speak, the problem is that we have a tendency to miss interpret what He said or we put our words in His mouth. Either way the fire will resolve that. When it is all said and done, we know the difference between soulish desires and His Words to us which, as we obey them will increase our faith..our wealth. The white raiment are Spirit inspired and empowered works he calls us to do. They cover our nakedness because we are then clothed in His righteousness. The ointment for our eyes are the oil of the Spirit mixed with the fragrance of our sacrifices. (Not our money but our will and our flesh). We must be zealous (being; ardently active, devoted, or diligent) to enable us to turn around and accomplish this. We were going in the wrong direction and it will take all of the zeal that you can muster to go the other way. Satan hates repentance, and all those people who were going the same direction that you were going are not very found of it either. You will meet resistance, antagonism, even hostility. Personally, i have been called a cult leader more than once. I've been told that i have been given over to demons, that i am independent (true, of men) and rebellious (also true, toward men's traditions), that i've left the fold (true, but not the Lord's), that i am deceived (also true...but the Lord is leading me out of it), that anyone listening to me will be deceived, and other descriptions that i've forgotten (or not yet heard). So we must cast ourselves upon Him, Yeshua, because He is the only one on Earth that will not mislead us in some way or another. All men will miss lead us to some degree or another and they will believe that they are doing a great job. It is all or none. He will have it no other way, hot or cold. So come on in, the water is fine, He's in here and we get clean too. Fall upon the Rock and be broken or the Rock will fall upon you and crush you to powder. The Groom is worth pursuing with all your heart, with all your mind with all your might! When He knocks on your door run and open it!! He will not knock for ever. Find your Groom's presence and stay in it!! If you lack the ability to hear Him ask Him for hearing or sight or whatever you need to follow Him, He will provide it for you. Pursue Him with your whole being for He and He alone is worth pursuing! Yeshua is King and Lord.